Sunday, June 14, 2009

The Player Hater's Ball

So, as a sort of intro/let’s-just-get-this-out-of-the-way thing:

Things I Love:
Alcohol, up to and including malt liquor. Puppies and all other animals, except maybe goats. Sleep. Music (all sorts – Skinny Puppy to Pavarotti). Horse racing. Geeky, arty boys. Tasteless comedy. Tasteless horror. Educated people, and that doesn’t necessarily mean a “formal” education. Laughing. Nighttime. The color black.

Things I Hate:
Hangovers. Humanity, children in particular. People who are really fucking impressed with themselves. Geeky, arty boys who don’t love me back. Cutesy sluts (i.e. 95% of females age 12-50). People who are downright proud of their own ignorance. People who take the nerd thing waaaaay too far. Hot weather. The goddamned sun. The color yellow.

Things I Am:
Relentlessly, stupidly, senselessly loyal and generous to the few people I like. Smarter than most, in that 99th percentile sort of way. Maker of poor decisions, regardless of IQ. Functional alcoholic. Atheist. Occasionally funny. Fortified with titanium. Obnoxious. Profane. Wildly jealous. Insecure. Arrogant. Hopelessly romantic, to my great chagrin. Compensating for an inferiority complex by having narcissistic personality disorder. Self-aggrandizing. Self-loathing.

Things I Am Not:
Trusting. Politically correct. Spontaneous. Empathetic. Beautiful. Overtly sexual. Above petty cruelty. Careless. A mean, bitchy drunk. Concerned about the opinions of others, even the people I care about. Light-hearted. Cute. Afraid of being disliked/hated/“the asshole”, which will become readily apparent.

It is what it is, and I am what I am, and I apologize for none of it. Enjoy the ride.


  1. I love you. I am so excited for this.

  2. Oh my god Tiffany I love you so much!!!!!

  3. Man, I'm digging all the love! Thanks, guys!