Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Everyone Is a Goddamned Idiot

So, let me tell you a little bit about what I do for a living, while still being incredibly vague (and perhaps lying about some of it to throw you off). One of the many components of my ridiculous job is troubleshooting technical problems. This includes computer software, hardware, outside/inside wiring, compatibility with outside equipment/technology, etc. Sounds like a pain in the ass, right? Right.

But for every “normal” problem – meaning something legitimately wrong wherein the technology at any level is not working properly – there are five “I’m a fucking moron” problems. The issue I just checked into, for example. Someone in another (non-tech) area submits a problem sheet indicating no data collection in the past five days. This happens on a semi-regular basis, so I’m used to delving into it and seeing what the problem is and then getting annoyed about it because all of the equipment here is a piece of shit. So I log in and look around at the stuff he/she’s looking for. LO AND FUCKING BEHOLD, there is a constant stream of data coming in. Not sporadic. Not occasional. Not “I could see how you’d think there was something wrong”. Constant and unmistakable.

So, then I get to call this jackass and be like, “Hey, this is Drunken Misanthrope from Such-and-Such and your data collection is working fine”, when I really want to say, “Hey, asshole, I’m glad I took 20 minutes out of my lunch hour to troubleshoot this shit for you because you’re too dumb to look at dates and times on the computer screen you’re staring at.”

I worked in tech support in college, and I swore I’d never do it again. Ten years later, I was back at it (in a supposedly high-level, tech-heavy area) and everyone is just as fucking retarded as they were back then. At least this time, the majority of my clients are off-site, so there’s less danger of me beating them to death with a chair.

1 comment:

  1. amen. it's always extra special when they are overly emotional about their issue that doesn't actually exist.
    friday evening, the call comes in "OMG OMG xyz app/site is down, it's not working at all and not only are we losing money it's attacking children and small animals!!!"
    have they tested it themselves? of course not. how many reports of this did they get? just one call and oh yeah actually they just misunderstood what that person said and it was a one time anomaly that is impossible to reproduce. when will they admit this? only 30 min or so of you digging thru code and testing trying to find something that doesn't exist.
    you'd think the embarrassment they should feel for being such a moron would help prevent this from happening repeatedly, but no. doesn't curb it at all.

    and i'll stop there because i could go on all night on this topic.