Friday, October 30, 2009

Misanthropy Briefs: Shut Up, Mexicans

You know what's my least favorite thing to see on my morning commute? Two fucking Mexicans getting on the train, one with a guitar, the other with a motherfucking accordian. That means I have to endure some ridiculous bleating they consider "a song", which is then followed by public begging.

Here's what's wrong with this whole shitshow:
a) Accordians suck.
b) Mexican music sucks.
c) Mexican music sucks most when done by amateurs trying to drown out the screeching of a subway. Which means they also drown out whatever music you've chosen to listen to that morning.
d) It's 9:00AM, and no one wants to hear anything out of anyone about anything. Especially a midget warbling about matadors or tamales or whatever-the-fuck.
e) I'm on the train because I need to go to work to make money for myself. I'm not giving you a goddamn penny, so don't hold out your cowboy hat to me like I'm supposed to drop cash in there. Get a fucking trabajo like the rest of us.

In closing: Shut up, Mexicans.

Thursday, October 29, 2009

More Shit I Hate

Housewarming parties/baby showers/bridal showers: So I gotta buy you shit now to validate and fund your life decisions? Fuck you. You want a baby, you buy the bullshit for it. Oh, you moved into a new apartment? Unless you’re 20 years old, you have towels and plates, so leave me out of it. Maybe you shouldn’t do ANY of this shit until you have the financial means to do so, and not come begging under the guise of “tradition” and “party”.

People who move their lips while reading: Someone should kill you. That behavior is only acceptable for first-graders who still need to “sound out” the words. You know, because they’re seven fucking years old. You’re just a moron with a first-grade reading level.

Chicks who actually refer to themselves as “hot”: I live for the moments in the future when these whores realize that their looks are gone. “Oh noes! I never cultivated an actual personality because dudes thought I was pretty!” Good luck with that high school diploma and vacant stare, bitch.

Over-dramatic gay men: You are not ACTUALLY a 13-year-old girl, so cut the junior high cafeteria bullshit. You need to calm the fuck down and stop creating your own queeny drama just so you can have something to bitch and eye-roll about. Grow up.

Double-wide strollers: Stop breeding.

People who are really into their birthdays as adults: You narcissistic cunts. The fact that you exist is a not a reason for celebration. Shut the fuck up.