Monday, August 3, 2009

Peeves: Part 1 of Fucking Infinity

Focus - Subway

As a preface, I am guilty of none of these things, which is why I hate on them. Trust me, there will be many more of these entries, since no one has any decency or common sense anymore. Ready? Let’s go.

First of all, maybe you should wake up 10 minutes earlier to eat something in your own goddamn house like a civilized human being. You made that ham sandwich somewhere, so instead of eating it there, you decided to pack it up and eat on public transit where bums piss. Idiot.
Second, how are you okay with stuffing your face in front of a mass of strangers? I know I’ve got some pretty severe food issues (I’m uncomfortable eating in front of anyone I don’t know very well, and I usually won’t eat in front of strangers at all), but what the hell are you doing? No one wants to watch you smear your ugly mug with cream cheese at 8AM.
Third, why is it that every asshole who insists on eating during the train ride chews with her mouth wide open? You are a disgusting uncouth piece of shit whose parents should have beat that habit out of you. With a tire iron, if necessary.

You, too, need to wake up 10 minutes earlier to slather that shit on your face. The train is not place to start busting out liquid fucking foundation and an eyeshadow quad. Also, I’m noticing most of you have no idea how to apply any of it. You’re wasting your money, because 98% of you bitches are doing a terrible job. And that spray tan you’re rocking that you think makes you look “healthy” and “sexy”? Wrong. You look fucking old. Skank.

Not Your Couch:
Take your fucking feet off the seats. The other day, I’m on the train, sitting like a fucking lady for God’s sake because I was raised correctly, and I see this whale of a human being plop down into a seat, put her shopping bag on another seat, and then swing her bulk around and put her feet up on the seat next to her. She is now lounging across two seats while taking up another seat with a bag. At 6PM on a Friday. You fat cunt, the train is not your couch where you get to hang out and get comfortable, and certainly not at the expense of taking up seats that other people could be sitting in. Lazy douchebags. That goes for you skinny bitches putting your dirty flip-flop-clad hooves on the seats, too. Put your feet on the goddamned floor where they belong.

Practice volume control. I wear noise-canceling headphones and if I can still hear you talking from 20 feet away? You’re too loud. The person you’re speaking to is sitting 8 inches away for fuck’s sake, keep it down.

Can’t you people just get on the train, sit down, and be quiet? Really?

This, and pretty much all the other ills of the world as far as I’m concerned, stem from one thing: unfounded narcissism. I am one of the most selfish bitches anyone will ever meet, but that does not mean I think - or act like - I am the only person in the world. I was raised by the last generation that worked to instill manners and social niceties in its children, and fulfilling your part of the social contract was a big part of that. Say “please” and “thank you”, be polite, and treat people how you want to be treated. JUST BE NICE. I’m not sure when it happened, but people now seem to believe that they are the only ones who have a right to behave any way they goddamn well please. “I can do what I want and you just have to deal with it, but when you do it, you’re a rude asshole”. Being polite and respectful is the price you pay for living in a functioning society. If you don’t like it, take your spoiled, immature, self-absorbed ass into the mountains and see how long you last on your own.