Monday, January 11, 2010

Drunkenly Live-Blogging "Intervention"

"I don't drink to get drunk. I drink because I like drinking."
Preach it, bitch!

Seriously, dudes, I've been drinking for nearly 20 years and don't have brain damage. And what kind of faggy lush gets brain damage from drinking WINE?

Oh, wait, she drinks because she was fat and ugly as a child? All right, maybe I'm down with her. I mean, that's why I drink now.

And then she got hot at, like, age 16. Never mind, fuck this bitch. Funny and beautiful and smart. I hope her insides bleed.

I'm sorry, a miscarriage spurred the alcoholism? That's it? Boo-fucking-hoo. It pales in comparison to the million past stories from people who have had actual tragedies. That being said, the very idea of being a housewife/stay-at-home mom makes me want to drown in a vat of booze, too.

Also, alcoholism = sickness? No. Fuck that. Cancer is a disease. Multiple sclerosis is a disease. Drinking? Is a behavioral problem. Let's not dress it up all fancy.

Whoa! Bonus thieving crackhead compulsive-gambling enabler? Thanks, Intervention gods!

You know, my father wouldn't be trying to find me to take care of me if I were a 35-year-old crackhead. Maybe these people are so fucked up because their families bail them out every goddamned time.

Drunk's kid just laid out a beautiful burn. Told her aunt/guardian that she was a "great mom". In front of her actual mom. Nice work, kid!

A water glass of white wine? Christ, I'm ready to puke just thinking about it, and I love wine. Being a middle-aged female wino might be the grossest, lamest shit ever. Runner-up to that title might be a gambling crackhead who makes the pre-intervention ALL ABOUT HIM.

I thought the interventionist just told Crackhead that they would send him to a wellness center to "have a drink". Or, you know, "have a dream". I got way too excited, because I'd really be down with a rehab center that let you keep drinking.

DrunkMom is waffling on the going-to-rehab thing. I don't blame her. I like to drink, and the prospect of a lifetime without booze is not fucking cool.

God, this woman and her whiny hitching sobs. I picked the wrong episode to write about, because she is an annoying git.

And to conclude, the phrase "sober-living facility" sounds like the least fun place in the universe.


  1. "Maybe these people are so fucked up because their families bail them out every goddamned time."

    Nail on the fucking head.

  2. now a mason jar fulla wine....that's a different story...

  3. i remember this episode and all i can say is that woman needed to face the truth that she was a miserable bitch wallowing in her own sorrow.